Alone In The World

Lately, I've been feeling really depressed lately. And it's not because my grandpa died or my cat died. And I asked my dad if I could go back to counseling, and he was like, 'What for? You're fine'. I almost lost it there. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life right now. I feel like I don't have any friends that I can really rely on. I'm afraid to have a Movie Night at my house for people from church cause I'm afraid that no one will come. I have to keep a journal about what makes me happy during the day to see the good things in life. My mom doesn't see this at all cause I'm already a disappoint to her. My brother is being really cool about it, but when I really need him, he's not here. God...I have no idea what to do. I don't go back to counseling until next week and I have no idea what's going to happen between then and now.

Be Kind To People

Once

Bailey: you've got the curse of curves
Steph: hmm
Steph: i do dont i?
Steph: damn im fine
Bailey: lmao
Steph: but bailey you have the gift of one liners AND the curse of curves
Steph: you're like a double threat
Bailey: lol


I love my friends...

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She Lived A Long Life...

So, this morning I woke up and went to go to the bathroom, and my cat was laying dead on the bathroom floor. I don't blame her for dieing there. It's always been really warm in there. She's been sick for a really long time and she was 17. She was really skinny too in the end. Callie was my best friend, and I will miss her greatly.

They're Catching On To Us...

So, I think I might start a Vlog on Youtube. I already have an account on there, so I think I might just put those vlog posts on there. It should be fun. I think I'll post one later today about my good day, then maybe another one later this week. Wish me luck!

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And If I Die Right Now, You'll Never Be The Same

I've been feeling really down lately for some reason. I know my grandpa died and everything, and I am sad about that, but that's not the thing that's getting me down. Maybe it's the fact that I'm really lonely. Maybe it's that school isn't that appealing to me. I don't know. But whatever it is, I want it to go away because I feel like shit all the time and I can't talk to anyone about it cause they'll think I'm crazy. I don't look like I would be depressed, but I am. And...I don't know.

I feel like I don't have anyone that I can go and talk to if I need to. Alyssa and Steph are always too busy to see me and I don't ever hang out with anyone besides them. Maybe I should start hanging out with people from my church...But they're always too 'busy' too. Geez...

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Swim Suit Blues

OK, so last night I went out and bought a swim suit. I know it's January, but that means they're creeper. ANYWAY...I tried it on when I got home for my mom and this is what she said.

"You might want to lose a few pounds before going out in public like that."

Wow...Why in the world would you tell your low self esteem, once suicidal, 15 year old daughter that???

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Saftey Pins

School is a total drag. Sitting in this white room with white floors is not how I want to be spending my time. But oh well. I cannot wait to go to Chicago. It's not for another 65 more days, but oh well. It's only 66 days till I get to see some really amazing people. Then Con is 86 days away. I'm really exicted for that too. But Chicago is what I cannot wait for. Not only do I get to hang out with some really cute boys, but I get to see Wicked! That's 67 days away. Wow...I am a huge dork.

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!!!!!!!

Ok, normally, I keep my phone on me at all times because I'm a freak. Well....today...at 9:05 PM, the guy who I haven't talked to since November called me...and my phone was not on me. WHAT THE HELL???? Ok, I've learned my lesson. From now on, keep my phone on me at ALL TIMES!!


OH! I'm going to see him in Chicago for my birthday!!!! But I'm not 100% sure if he knows that yet...That's why I REALLY need to talk to him. Maybe I'll call him tomorrow...

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New Year. New Me.

These are some resolutions that I've decided to make. OK, here we go.

1. Drink a lot less soda.

2. Exercise more. (3-5 times a week)

3. Focus less on boys and focus more on school.

4. Watch less TV.

5. Join/Start a band.

6. Leave less of a carbon footprint.

7. Bike more places even when I get my car.

8. Call my grandparents once a week just to see how they're doing.

9. Pass Honors English with a B

10. Stay in touch with people that I've met.

11. Be nice to my mom even when she's being a bitch.


OK, I think that's it.

Happy New Year!!

Be Kind To People